Sonnet Scaffolding David Livewell’s  Fatigues

I stood head below seventies style counters
My grandma, slicing strawberry jello
Us kids playing “bar” in the room below
Pouring air and thought into decanters
Grandpa bleary-eyed watching his war shows
Didn’t see him drink but his glass stayed chilled.
Grandma silently lived love unfulfilled
Now lives alone with her memory froze.
And although she doesn’t remember much
Her tongue, rolls over french and past travels.
We cannot see what she knows or dreams of
Or when reality ceases. And such
I wonder at what her eyes unravel.
A picture clouded by regret or love.

I really struggled with the iambic pentameter, yet loved the rhyme scheme of the sonnet structure. However, revising my whole sonnet to have correct iambic pentameter would have changed the meaning and word choices I made in the original poem. In order to resolve this, I have written a four new lines for the start of another sonnet as a demonstration of my understanding of iambic pentameter:

Confronting you was the ravine between
Both you and I. Breathe deep, stand up and go
Place pride aside and quickly strike the scene.
Diplomas kill the risk and chance to know.


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